You better watch out... for spoilers!
Does the Grinch have a catch-phrase?
Because Bah Humbug! seems overdone.
But that’s the mood I was in early in November when contemplating the upcoming Christmas romance movie season.
My mistake was — on a day when I was feeling a little bit down — I tried to watch Hallmark’s A Crown for Christmas, now available on Netflix. It was a mistake. I hate those cheesy ‘royal’ themed romances, where the woman acts as a nanny (or a tutor, or a hairdresser, or even a baker!) in some highly fictitious European kingdom ruled by an insipid prince who far too easily falls at her feet.
And the movie was dreadful. The heroine was not only a nanny, but also a hotel chambermaid! (Isn’t one sad trope enough?). Then she gets unjustly fired and worries how she (also somehow a struggling artist) will be able to support her adult orphan siblings.
I don’t think I made it past the fifteen minute mark.
Last year in this blog, I wrote an article about why we love those cheesy Hallmark/Lifetime Christmas romances, and I think I made some valid points — mostly about how they’re best watched armed with copious amounts of booze and itsy-bitsy expectations, with like-minded friends/family ready to tear them to shreds.
But, I’ve arrived at a new theory: Maybe it’s possible to make a Christmas romance that’s escapist and warm hearted… and actually good?
So I’m washing my hands of Hallmark and Lifetime entirely — maybe there’s a hidden gem or two in that lot, but honestly, it’s not worth the slog to find them. This year, I’ve decided to focus on Netflix and see if any one among the four new Christmas romcoms they’re releasing is actually worth watching.
These are listed in order of release.
Meet Me Next Christmas
Right out the gate, we have a novel, potentially-fun premise with Meet Me Next Christmas. Layla (Christina Milian) meets two attractive men at an airport while waiting for a delayed holiday season flight – one she chats with very briefly, and the other she flirts with for a few hours. Apparently, this second conversation is so good, the man (James) suggests that, if they both become single in the next year, they should meet up at next year’s Pentatonix concert in New York.
(Warning: This movie is basically a big commercial for Pentatonix. Never heard of them? Neither had I.)
Layla thinks this suggestion is a bit weird until, shortly before the next Christmas, she catches her boyfriend cheating on her. After that, she decides this meeting with James at the concert is her destiny! But sadly for destiny, the tickets to the concert are sold out.
So, instead of deciding to meet James outside the venue, she goes on a mission to find a ticket, and ends up enlisting the services of Teddy (Devale Ellis), a high-end chef-turned reluctant concierge.
What follows is a (mostly) fun and festive series of hijinks, as Layla and Teddy traverse NYC searching for a ticket.
I was on board with this premise until the pair end up standing in line at a hoity toity department store, waiting to buy a fancy seasonal purse they’re to exchange for a ticket. While they’re waiting, a rude woman arrives and demands the clerk give her a place at the front of the line. So, Teddy takes it upon himself to intervene.
I believe this scene is supposed to show how chivalrous Teddy is, but the message is seriously undercut when just moments later, Teddy informs Layla that the bags are sold out, but the clerk has stashed one aside for them.
What??! What about that huge deal you just made about line integrity?? This is outrageous hypocrisy! The utter gall!
He also makes a crack about the rude woman missing her meds, which annoyed me. (I have bipolar disorder, so I’m always disappointed when movies misrepresent mental illness.)
The other thing I really disliked about this movie was the ending. Layla finally realizes Teddy is the first man she met at the airport that day, and decides he’s the one she’s really meant to be with! (This woman is pretty flaky, come to think of it.) So, she decides to meet Teddy, not James, at the concert, where — in a convoluted matchmaking effort — he’s been enlisted by Pentatonix to play Santa.
So Layla rushes to the venue, runs into James who she lets down politely, and finally finds Teddy.
But, why why why did the filmmakers have to tell us who she was rushing to meet before she even left for the concert?? The ending would have been far more interesting if we were left guessing who she’d decided was her destined match up until the end. As it is, the ending is a slog, since there’s no mystery or tension left.
Yes, of course we know she’s going to choose Teddy — we knew that from the start! But romance is all about playing along, waiting for that big reveal. And giving everything away too soon just ruined the fun.
The nail in the coffin for this flick is that James, the other man, brings a girlfriend to the concert! What?? You make a plan to meet a stranger at a show, then you bring your girlfriend to that very show?? That is, in fact, the very last place you should choose to go for a date! It’s just so very ridiculous and infuriating!
Bah, Humbug!!
Hot Frosty
It seems like Lacey Chabert has made a second career starring in Christmas romances — a good thing, I think, since she’s a step up from the type of actors we normally see in these things.
In Hot Frosty, Chabert stars as small-town cafe owner Kathy who’s let herself go (or her house go, anyway) since losing her husband to cancer. Then one night she whimsically places a scarf around the neck of a human-realistic snow-sculpture on display in her town center, and later that night he comes to life!
This supernatural element sets expectations in the right place. This movie isn’t supposed to be realistic. At all.
Dustin Milligan is delightful as Hot Frosty (or ‘Jack’). Yes, he’s basically a pet for Kathy to adopt. But, as the townsfolk say when they unblinkingly accept this human snowman into their world: “It’s Christmas! It’s time for magic!”
Chabert’s gentle, patient, melancholy Kathy is a perfect match for Milligan’s sweet and innocent Jack. And the movie gives the pair time to get to know each other, so you might actually end up believing such an unlikely pairing might work.
So leave your skepticism at the door with this one, and enjoy watching Kathy find friendship and more with her lovable, handy, kind, (and hot!) snowman.
In the end, is it Kathy or Jack who truly comes to life? I’ll leave that for you to decide!
The Merry Gentlemen
So, I watched the trailer for The Merry Gentlemen (good title) and had high hopes. The idea of a male dance revue in a Christmas romcom seemed novel, and brought to mind the frolicking fun of movies like The Full Monty and Magic Mike.
But, oh my, I was wrong to be hopeful.
This is the story of Ashley (Britt Robertson), a dancer in a ‘Jingle Bells’ revue in NYC (is that her full-time job??), who is sacked and returns to her hometown for Christmas. There, she (literally) runs into local handy-hunk Luke (Chad Michael Murray) in the lamest meet cute ever. Then, she learns her parents can’t afford to renew the lease on the family bar, and Ashley decides to put her dance revue chops to the test, and stage an all-male dance show to raise money!
This is a decent premise, so I really wish they’d made this movie a bit more fun! For example, there could have been a dancer recruitment montage, with Ashley spying around town for guys with secretly hot bodies hidden under aprons or janitor uniforms, or guys with slick dance moves they’ve never been allowed to showcase in this small conservative town.
Instead, she just recruits some guys she knows who just happen to have stunning bodies.
And it would have been far more exciting if Luke had stayed in the background and kept his well-defined abs hidden until a key moment, and if he’d taken a bit more convincing to join the show. But no, there is no mystery and no lead-up.
And no talk of compensation, either. Are these men dancing for free?
Then, Luke is giving Ashley a necklace to thank her for putting on the show, and asking if she has a boyfriend or husband. What? These two have been rehearsing for ten days and that never came up?
But there’s just no chemistry here, because there’s no conflict. And these characters are unrealistic and boring.
I like shirtless men, but their presence does not mean you can omit plot and tension from the story!
So, I stopped watching.
I know, I know. I said I’d watch them all. But, I am not a professional journalist! Believe it or not, I do this on a purely voluntary basis! So I don’t think I’m obligated to keep watching something so obviously terrible.
Bah humbug.
Our Little Secret
Did you endure Lindsay Lohan’s last Netflix Christmas abomination, Falling for Christmas?
Well, the good news is, Our Little Secret is much better than that. And, actually, perhaps because of my low expectations, I quite enjoyed this one.
The premise showed potential – two exes find out they’re dating siblings and are both invited to share the siblings’ family Christmas.
To minimize awkwardness, Avery (Lohan) and Logan (Ian Harding) quickly agree to keep the ‘little secret’ that they once dated and pretend they don’t know each other.
What follows is some fun and frivolity, mainly driven by the delightful Kristin Chenoweth as the siblings’ coddling, narcissistic mother.
In Falling for Christmas, Lohan played a spoiled heiress with amnesia. But the role of Avery is way more down-to-earth, which somehow suits Lohan much better. Maybe an exaggerated role paired with Lohan’s exaggerated personality was just too much.
It helps that she’s matched with a capable co-star in Ian Harding. His character, Logan, isn’t your typical Christmas romcom hero — he seems a little bit too smart. Also atypically, he doesn’t argue endlessly with Avery, nor does he behave like she’s a goddess placed on earth. The pair almost seem to relate to each other like normal human beings!
Unfortunately, sparks never really fly between Avery and Logan, but they have enough history and connection that you might just conclude that they belong together
The biggest challenge in a romance like this – where not just one but both lead characters are already in relationships with other people – is how to gracefully extricate them from those relationships without making them both seem like giant assholes.
But, they pull it off passably well here. Avery’s boyfriend is a barely restrained player who, it is implied, cheats on her. And Logan’s girlfriend is immature and vapid, and their relationship doesn’t seem that serious. So, no devastation ensues (or, none that we witness).
And I especially love that all the secrets and lies told throughout the movie are all revealed in a single scene. Yes!! Moments of dramatic revelation are what every romance viewer is looking forward to. It’s surprising how often romance movies manage to mess them up.
My only other note is, why would you cast Tim Meadows in a sad role with no jokes at all? That guy can make just about anything funny – not sure why he is essentially castrated here.